Mysterious May

"What would you like to be when you grow up?"

Most 10-year-old kids would like to be a doctor, a teacher, an engineer, or even a president when they grow up. I remember, sixteen years ago my answer to that question was "I would like to be a detective". This didn't surprise people, considering my stacked collection of detective books and comics back then. As years went by, my dream job changed because I kept having nightmares of witnessing murders and I couldn't stand looking at blood. That also caused me to become a person who is easily suspicious of others. I secretly question people's motives, observe their behaviour, connect random dots, over analyse certain incident and imagine horrific scenarios. But unlike Sherlock Holmes, I seldom solve mysteries.

For me, it's more frustrating than exciting to live with constant anticipation of a mystery. Watching too many movies (especially thriller/drama) causes me to expect plot twists every day. I imagine sudden deaths, travelling accidents, conflict, betrayal, unwanted diagnosis and so forth. I spend all day going around concentrating on all the things that can go wrong. Though most of them did not happen according to my worst-case scenario, I won't deny that I am still anxious and full of fear. When I visualise the future, perhaps only 40% of what I picture are fun and inspiring while the rest is scary and discouraging. Of course, this isn't a healthy habit but I thought by doing that, I would be more prepared and ready to face any unexpected drama. Not so true, though.

Throughout this year, I have received different kind of news, which made me more certain that life is full of mystery. No matter how many scenarios I have produced in my mind, I still can't accurately predict what's going to happen next. One of the greatest mysteries of life hides behind suffering. Facing suffering—be it in the vital areas of family, personal health or material things—inevitably compels us to question many things and think deeper about life. Just as what Eugene Peterson wrote about a man called Job, in the course of facing, questioning, and respecting suffering, I find myself in an even larger mystery—the mystery of God.

But instead of respecting the mystery like Job did, each time I encounter (or witness other people's) suffering, my first inclination is to focus on preventing suffering. Then I learn that God doesn't ask us to figure out life mystery. 

Just as you'll never understand the mystery of life forming in a pregnant woman, so you'll never understand the mystery at work in all that God does.

— Ecclesiastes 11:5

God never asks me to figure out everything because He knows how incapable I am of understanding what He's doing (how could I? I even failed a subject in college!). God doesn't ask me to figure out mystery, but He asks me to revere Him, the Creator of all mysteries. He doesn't want me to spend my energy figuring Him out, but He wants me to get to know Him.

So let us learn to appreciate the mystery, respect the Maker of mystery, and believe that He causes all (mysterious) things to work together for the good of those who love Him.