Day 179

Somebody I admire used to visit and read what I posted daily. It was, in no doubt, flattering. I felt valued and honoured. ((Well, actually, I would generally feel honoured every time I found out people read my blog)) However, that also caused a little bit of uneasy feeling. I felt the need of making an impression on that particular reader. I started to 'plan' my contemplation, instead of contemplating unpretentiously. It became a pressure.

Once again this situation reminded me of what Donald Miller wrote in most of his books. When we become more conscious about what other people see or think of us, we suddenly stop being our true selves and develop a need to perform and impress our 'audience' with an act.

That's what happened to me. I wanted to sound intelligent and inspiring in my blog posts. Even when I wrote something vulnerable, I'd polish them so that I could still appear as a cool vulnerable person. Not sure if that's translated accordingly to my readers, though. Ha-ha. What if they actually think I am a self-conscious complex being with a messy emotion and mind? Well, who knows? There, I am being uneasy again.

I think being careful is important when delivering a message or sharing our story. But I also believe that a great storyteller or message-sharer is willing to root their story in truth, above all else. Truth is a solid foundation of every story. In fact, honesty and truth are the main ingredients of a good story. It is what connects people. Imagine how wonderful it is to be able to share truth and connect everyone at the same time!

If you're still reading my blog, I'd like to say I am really glad that, in spite of many other fun things you could be doing, you still choose to drop by and read a piece of my cluttered thoughts. It's a privilege, really.

Remember, though, you only see what I choose to show ;-)