Day 87

I spent many hours bed-resting/sofa-resting today (blame the muscle relaxant pill). I thought it was going to be another unproductive day. Later on, I half-finished reading another book, watched a Wes Anderson movie and a couple of episodes of Gilmore Girls with my mother and sister (Milo Ventimiglia!!), and made a piece of illustration. Now I feel accomplished. Yee-haw!

In between those "productivities", somehow I stumbled upon a thought about my activity on social networking sites. Since two weeks ago, I have chosen one day in a week for social media detox (i.e.: a day without checking Path, Instagram and Facebook). It hasn't been difficult, especially if there are more interesting things to do (like sleeping). But when I am back to being active, I realised how much comfortable I am in sites where there are less people who know (and follow) me. In other words, I think I mistook the definition of 'social networking site' as a place to freely express myself instead of a place to connect with people. Ha.

I can't say I have become absent in sites where my friends are active, though. I just became less outspoken, because now there are actually people who see and read what I post. 'Audience' means careful performance. When I'm aware of who watches my activities, I will become cautious. It's much safer to be who I really am when there's no spectator. I reckon the same thing also happens in life outside the Internet.

Bob Goff wrote in his book, "each of us is tempted to hide the original so we won't get damaged". I think that's what I tend to do when I am not alone. I hide my true self behind layers of witticism, artistry, and words of wisdom I often share with others. I'd rather be known for those layers I display. There was a risk to just being myself.

I really like how Donald Miller shares openly about this lesson of performing less, being ourselves more, and overcoming a complicated fear of being known in his latest book I am currently reading. From his stories, I learn that when I am willing to show my true self to the people around me, I begin to actually connect with them and stop trying to impress them.

"It is much better to have somebody who is more in love with you than impressed by you."
- Donald Miller

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