The other reason is because I didn't look forward to being back in Jakarta. I have mentioned before that my nightmares while was in Seattle were mostly about going home with the same physical condition. So at the moment, I am living in that nightmare.
During my flight from Seattle to Taipei on Tuesday, I typed this down on my phone:
The reality just hit me. I no longer live in Seattle. I no longer sleep at our apartment in Green Lake neighbourhood. I no longer shop at PCC, eat Zoeyogurt, Turnpikes' gluten free pizza, Teddy's burger, Bol vietnamese, Molly Moon's earl grey ice cream, and ham spinach quiche. I no longer ride with Lyft or go to Swedish MS centre. I no longer go to BCC church, sing to contemporary folk worship songs, hear profound sermons by Pastor Richard. I no longer feel the refreshing pacific northwest air, see the majestic mount Rainier behind the evergreen trees and blue/cyan/pink sky. I no longer walk on spacious pedestrian walkway. I no longer watch movies on Netflix or discover music on Spotify. I no longer use Yelp to find nearby restaurants or cool-sounding hang-out spots. Above all these, I no longer live in the same place and timezone as my sister.
Sooner or later, these will turn to memories that I can only re-live by looking at pictures or videos. I might start reminiscing every moment with either sadness or gratitude. I tend to do the first one and it does me no good because nostalgia keeps me from living in the moment and anticipating the future.
I know this is just a temporary stay and God has prepared something even more heartwarming in the future. I pray I will not be too impatient or anxious while waiting.
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