Day 67

I am thankful that my sister lives and works in this liveable city. I am also grateful that my mother was willing to accompany us here. I know it was not an easy move for her, because she basically could not live without my father. Haha. Having my mother live with us is a huge blessing since my sister works every day and won't be able to do housework or take care of me all the time. My mother cooks, cleans up, washes the dishes and clothes, shops, and does other chores daily—a role that, she always says, is her great delight. Perhaps that explains why my sister and I look forward to being 'stay at home' moms one day. Being a housewife is as rewarding as having a rising career.

Lately my mom hasn't been in her best condition as she's currently at her pre-menopause stage.
Not wanting to increase her load, I decided to make my own favourite smoothie today. I am used to making that myself so I thought it was not a big deal. As I prepared all the ingredients, I realised my body was losing its 'battery' from, like, 74% to 44%. Seriously, that quick? Come on... I hadn't even blended them all! Fatigue is a serious joy-killer. I didn't want to call my mother to take over, so I went on. It went pretty well, and the smoothie was well-done! But whoa, not so fast, Winda... When I reached out to unplug the cord from the wall, suddenly I lost control of my hand and nudged the blender. It gracefully rolled down, spilling half of the smoothie on to the kitchen table and all over the food, and breaking one of the plates.

I 'spoke loudly' (uhh, cussed) in 'minion' language. My mother quickly came and cleaned up the mess. I caused more chaos instead of making her chores lighter. Gone was the dream of being a housewife. Just a little incident and suddenly the what if's raced in my mind again: This kind of life is a joke. I didn't sign up for this. I can't live like this forever.

But I am helpless and clueless. I don't wish to be anyone's burden (no comment, please).

After some quiet moment and resting my heart with soothing tunes, I realised that everyone has their good and bad days; everyone is helpless and clueless with their lives and their future; everyone could also feel like they have been someone else's burden. And that is not the end of the world.

I once typed this quote on my Stickie note. It wasn't without purpose why it has stayed on my desktop:

"If I keep my eyes on me; my pain, my loneliness, etc... I am miserable.
But if I keep my eyes on Jesus, like the song says, the things of the earth will grow strangely dim.
When I look to Jesus, I don't see my pain, I see Him
and there is joy!"
- Sandra Platt

The reality of life often weighs us down. But it is our choice of attitude that determines the quality of our life.
I want joy to be one of my life's qualities. Therefore, I shall fix my eyes on the Author of my life, the Source of joy and satisfaction.