Day 108

Today I went to my third physical therapy session. My PT discussed about my walking problem with an orthotist. They tried to sort out possible solution to prevent my gait from worsening. After trying out different leg braces and hip flexion assist device, they finally told me to have some time to think of the pros and cons of each option before making any order. Since either equipment is quite pricey, I should decide well so that it won't be of no use once purchased. It is not an easy decision-making. None of those equipment was comfortable to wear and they didn't look "cool" at all. The orthotist warned me to prioritise 'usefulness' over 'appearance'. Well, I never thought of myself as someone who thinks much of fashion or looks. Not until this afternoon!

I guess I was wrong about myself. I do have concerns about how I would look with a walking assist device. Crazy thoughts ran in my mind as I tried out those devices, "gosh...this is awkward", "I look like a cyborg", "how am I going to wear this under my clothes?", "do I have to wear it all the time?", "will I draw attention in public places?", "will people make fun of me?", "will they pity me?", "what if they ask questions?", "shouldn't this be worn by older people?", "what if the person I like thinks I look hideous?", "maybe I should not get out at all", "maybe I should stay at home forever", and the hassle goes on.

Then a renowned verse stopped my musing:

"Human only care about the external appearance, but the Eternal considers the inner character."

While I am all saddened by the fact that I walk poorly like a drunk person and that I should do something to improve it (like getting assisted by a walking device and a rolling walker), God says it should not be what I am most concerned about. Building on my gait is important, but what matters more to God is building on my character. The Lord does not look at things people look at. We are guilty of looking at the outward appearance, but He looks at the heart. My physical condition may change overtime, but my heart shouldn't. I may care a lot about what other people think of me, but I should value God's opinion of me above all else.

This is often easier said than done, but since Christ has secured my identity, why bother trying to find it elsewhere?