I want to deserve things that are too good to be true. Worse, I want to earn them without even trying. I want everything to be effortlessly perfect. Aren't I slothful and prideful?
Since the beginning, no one on earth deserves every good and perfect gift ("thanks" to our disobedience—hah!). Only God's grace allows us to receive and enjoy them. Such grace keeps us from feeling proud of our own achievement or performance. Sadly, we constantly want to have things to brag about. We do good so we may appear as good people. We pray so we may appear as religious people. We donate to charities so we may appear as generous. Nothing is pure in our motives. We want to feel good about ourselves. At least that's what I often want. If it is grace (or free gift) what's left for me to boast?
Yes. I’m full of myself—after all, I’ve spent a long time in sin’s prison. What I don’t understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise. So if I can’t be trusted to figure out what is best for myself and then do it, it becomes obvious that God’s command is necessary.
But I need something more! For if I know the law but still can’t keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realise that I don’t have what it takes. I can will it, but I can’t do it. I decide to do good, but I don’t really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don’t result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.
— Paul on Romans 7
My sinful nature is already bad. It's even worse with chronic illness. As MS causes my body to feel weaker each day, I become more aware of my helplessness. It makes me upset to see how awful I am in reality. I am easily angered. I am impatient. I move slower. I act less carefully. I look terrible. I pity myself and whine a lot. It gets harder to control my self and my behaviour. It's so difficult to present my best self in order to feel like I deserve good things in life.
It happens so regularly that it’s predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin (and MS) is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God’s commands, but it’s pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge.
I’ve tried everything and nothing helps. I’m at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn’t that the real question?
—Paul on Romans 7
The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does act to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different. Jesus rescued me from this sin-dominating life and gave me freedom to enjoy every good and perfect gift.
—Paul on Romans 7
What a privilege (and humbling thing) to know that, although I didn't deserve good things in life, God decided to give them anyway!
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